How teaching men to fight makes them a better person!
Fighting for the purpose of hurting another human is not what I am going to discuss. I have participated in thousands of rounds of sparring and competitions. I was often approached to fight in boxing and kickboxing but could never make that step. To be good at blood sports you have to really want to hurt your opponent.
Fighting and Personal Growth
I am first and foremost a martial artist and personal growth has always been my focus. Fighting is violent! It can be argued that martial arts promotes violence and while I understand that point of view, my martial arts is bound by a moral code of self control and self discipline and is therefore bound by a strict ethical code. When I discuss fighting in this post, I refer to “Martial Arts Sparring” against other students of similar ability. It can be tough and robust but is controlled and safe.
Slaying the Tiger
We have come along way from hunting and slaying the sabre tooth tiger in fact we are probably at the complete opposite where men have no real connection with their inner and outer strength. But men can easily re connect and this is what I do best; to take boys on a journey into manhood and to re ignite the essence of masculinity in men. Teaching martial arts for more than 25 years I have witnessed the most incredible transformations in men. Once men get over the initial fears, I believe they love the thrill of unarmed combat.
Fear of conflict or confrontation
I have men come to me that have never made a fist let alone thrown a punch. Many have spent their entire lives in fear of conflict or confrontation, hiding behind a false bravado of aggression or their corporate colours, mothers or wives. Yet they are still men, and with a little prodding and pushing will find something inside that has been dormant since birth.
Suppressed Masculinity
So men that come into my dojo (training room) to learn about self defence essentially yearn to discover more about the depths of their courage and strength. With in weeks there is a change. Only once a man has been able to fully experiment and express his desire for violence in a controlled safe environment will be able to know his limitations and then fully accept them. This will make him a better person and a very powerful man. He will no longer feel the inadequacy of suppressed masculinity, he can start to be himself and feel his worth from the inside out by expressing his inner nature.
Violence and spirituality
It can be argued that as we evolve into more spiritual beings that the need or lack of need for violence will dissolve. But spiritual growth is a powerful process and before you can temper the desire, you must be able to see it clearly first! Man has an inherent yearning that can only be suppressed once it is expressed.
You cannot hide in combat
When a man can express his inner nature in a positive and controlled environment with other men he learns many things about himself: It is okay to be scared. It is okay to be vulnerable. You can feel these emotions and then find the courage to overcome your limitations. You cannot hide in fighting; it is in your face! The fear can be intense, and usually starts days before hand. It’s a primal fear, and can easily win the head game prior to actually stepping into the ring. Many men stall and turn away, I have! But I always returned later to fight, I just had to. I knew I had to! This is what makes the man, feeling the fear intensely and then taking it head on, not shying away from it.
Fighting and the gentle man
All men have an inner instinct to fight or feel the fight. Their sense of worthiness can be tied up in this. For men to be able to express this part of themselves will enable them not disable them. A man that can feel his strength and know and accept this has no need to prove him self. By teaching man to fight, with the adherence of a strict moral code, there is no anger and no aggression and the need for confrontation is dissolved. The wonderful by product to emerge is an indescribable gentleness.
Completing the circle
There are many ways for men to express their masculinity and fighting is one of them. It’s been my own personal vehicle of self discovery. And as I have seen the transformation in others, I have also seen it in myself. The martial arts master has no need or desire for violence or to prove himself in any way. It is only once he has come the full circle and gone through his own trail by fire that he emerges a well on his journey to self knowledge.
Andy.
This was great info I believe the only way for a marriage to be successful is both partners have to be givers and takers at times and by that I mean some days u have to take your husbands attitude, or him just having a bad day. Then u have to give him the space he need or give him someone to vent to and vice versa.Also u must be honest and give trust and these things equal a successful relationship.
Excellent comment. You are so right in saying “give him space”. It is the wise partner that can recognize what is good for the relationship and not necessarily what is good for “me”
Thanks for the comment
Andy
Hi Andy,
In modern society we have come to value comfort a little too much and most people fear and run from pain. I makes sense that you don’t want to be hurt emotionally of physically, or others to be hurt either, but the more we learn about pain, the more we realize that pain is not a bad thing, the less we become afraid and the more capacity we have to experience and overcome.
I really do believe that getting a little beaten up is really very good for you. For both men and women, it puts things in perspective and makes you appreciate what you have and how precious and fragile it is.
It also gives you confidence and insight in your own abilities as to what you can do and what you can’t.
Before I had done any sparring I was under the impression that “I can handle myself” like Im certain many people are. I suppose its a way of facing fear. You can say that is a bit egoistic and ignorant. Having done many sparring sessions I know where my limits are, I also know that when my body fails, my mind will keep going doing anything to survive. So the fight is really more internal then external. I also know how easy it is so get hurt, especially on the street and that building awareness of your surroundings is perhaps even more important then training the body, however the two go hand in hand and you can’t have one without the other.
“Man has an inherent yearning that can only be suppressed once it is expressed”
Great post.
Selma
Hey Andy. Excellent post. Even after 4 years of consistent sparring at Northstar and before that in boxing I still feel a little anxiety as a Thursday rolls around and the little voice sometimes says ‘not tonight’.
But over time I have learnt to know the process and manage it.
For me sparring also teaches humility. Humility because you will take a blow or two and humility because you know the damage that you can do.
It has taught me walk surely, talk softly and be confident and considerate.
Cheers
Ben
Great post! A little long, but that’s an aside.
It was this line that spoke to me the most:
“Many have spent their entire lives in fear of conflict or confrontation, hiding behind a false bravado of aggression or their corporate colours, mothers or wives.”
After I began studying martial arts more seriously, I began losing patience for these sorts of lies. I stopped having fun at clubs and venues that attract men who’s self worth is their clothes, their wallet, their “trophy girlfriends”.
I’m not without my own insecurities, but I’m learning to deal with them, and martial arts – particularly sparring – is helping in ways I never before imagined.
The greatest gift I received from martial training was a sense of peace.
I have never been afraid within dojo walls, and I originally put this down to confidence gained through previous fighting experience. I now realise that the aggression employed in my former exploits, was actually driven by fear.
Thus, I started in the arts looking to build upon my boxing skills, and inadvertently found a less competitive environment that taught me about trust, respect, humility and honour.
I know that I would not be the man I am today had I not taken this path, and will be forever grateful for the gifts I have received.
Put simply ~ learn to fight so you have no need to fight.
Great Post Andy ~ did not find it long at all as each and every
paragraph had meaning and depth of the human mind, condition,
motivation and spirit.
Richard Holdstock ~ Sensei
Goju Ryu Bushido Karate Academy
Blacktown City NSW
Thanks Sensei, great as always to have your words of wisdom.
Kind Regards
Andy