Conscious Friendship
Honour friendship. Don’t discriminate family and friendship. Don’t treat your friends well and your family badly. My closest friend said to me recently, don’t argue with your partner, treat him/her badly then smile at the first stranger that you see in the street.
Respect your friends simply for whom they are. Don’t expect them to change. If your needs are not being met in a friendship, it’s your stuff, don’t dump it on a friend. Look at yourself honestly and with courage. Take ownership of your own baggage work at changing yourself from the inside out. I always say that a leopard can’t change its spots, but we can all change the way we identify with every situation, changing from the inside.
Everything we see, hear, touch or taste is neutral, how we feel about it is the slant we put on it. We can change the way we identify by simply being and remaining as present in the here and now as possible and not applying an opinion or attitude towards it.
In friendship we easily identify with how a person should or should not behave. How many friends can we truly say we treat with total love and neutrality? No matter what they say or do I will still be your friend (family included). This takes courage, to be that way you need to self love, knowing that the behaviour of your friend is their stuff and cannot in any way effect your reality. Only you can do that by identifying with what is said or done.
This takes consciousness. Conscious friendship removes boundaries, opens doors, melts differences, forgives and understands. Being a conscious friend exposes who you are. It opens you up as you are willing to show all that you stand for and not hide behind the thin illusion of ego.
I laugh with joy – fully. I cry with sadness – fully, I am not afraid. My strength is my softness, My power is my open heart. My courage is to confront who I am not. I am. I am your friend.
– Andy –
I do try to accept my friends for who they are, not who i want them to be. This is not as easy as it sounds and i realise i constantly put expectations on people to behave a certain way. But i am a lot more aware of this now and it happens less and less. I can’t always control my own behaviour let alone that of anyone else. Last i looked there were no saints walking around the streets and i certainly have my own share of err ‘idiosyncricies’ which my friends and family Thankfully tolerate.
Off course occasionally the behaviour of my friends and family sometimes infuriates me, but I forgive and get over it very quickly and let it all go. Often once i let it go i wonder what all the fuss was about in the first place. I don’t discriminate between strangers, friends or family. When i am annoyed i can’t ‘be nice’ to one person and not to the next. Everyone gets the same equal treatment, good or bad… I find i have to be a lot more patient with family than friends. Maybe family bring up very old reactions that are harder to resist?
My experience has shown me that even our most ‘difficult’ friends have a reason to be in our lives.
Sometimes its a conduit to someone else or a challenge to be faced and addressed. Or a change in ourselves that needs to be embraced.
Each friend is unique and valuable. I believe we rise together and conversely fall together. So we need to be the yeast in the bread of life and activate our friends.
I’ve always loved the scene in The Matrix with the spoon.
“Don’t try to bend the spoon. That’s impossible. Instead, try to remember the truth… Then you’ll realize that it is not the spoon that bends, but yourself.”
Friends are like spoons in this case. Just like most other things that surround us.
Hi Rick, nice to hear from you. I love the comment.
Before we can accept other, we must accept our self. Before we can understand others, we must understand our self. Genuine friendship is as elusive as true love. Any meaningful relationship starts with the wisdom of knowing our ignorance. 🙂
Great comment Walter and very good reminder. We can be the reflection that we see in our relationships. We we reflect love we receive it. Thanks for your contribution.